Identity

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Understanding our identity is so important. Our identity informs our moral, ethical, and legal compass. It shows where we place our value and principles.

Let’s see what labels we put on ourselves or allow others to put on us.

Can you relate to any of these?

 

 

• I am insecure.

 • I am a screamer.

 • I internalize everything.

 • I am a worrier.

 • I am a bickerer.

 • I am always late.

 • I always mess things up.

 • I am messy.

 • Things will never get better.

 • I’ll never lose weight.

 • I’m a loser.

 

Many labels come from our personality traits.

 

Do your personality weaknesses become your labels?

 

Sanguine

• Compulsive talker 
• Exaggerator
• Egotistical 
• Loud
• Forgetful
• Undisciplined
• Fickle

 Choleric

• Bossy
• Quick-tempered
• Impatient
• Inflexible
• Unsympathetic
• Manipulative
• Demanding
• Argumentative

 Melancho

• Moody
• Insecure 
• Martyr  
• Critical 
• Unforgiving 
• Hard to please 
• Withdrawn 
• Remembers the negatives

 Phlegmatic

 

• Unenthusiastic
• Indecisive 
• Self-righteous
• Un-motivated 
• Indifferent
• Sarcastic 
• Lazy 
• Selfish

 Labels that come from our life situations can either make us victims or victorious. Do you have any of these labels?

 

• Widow
• Divorcee 
• Single mom 
• Adopted 
• Neglected as a child 
• Sick 
• Abusive background 
• Unemployed 
• Fired 
• Childless 

We often make excuses for our labels. Have you ever made these statements?

 

• This is just part of my personality.
• This is the way I was made.
• I can’t change the past. 
• What will be will be. 
• God made me this way.
• This behavior has been in my family for generations. 
• I just have that “gene.” 
• I can’t change now.

Labels are very much a part of your personal identity. Your personal identity is the way that you see yourself. It is very important to you because it will affect the way you feel about yourself and how you behave in challenging situations. Your personal identity includes:

 

• Who are you?

 • What makes you unique?

 • What is your God-given purpose?

 • What do you value?

 • What drives your moral compass?

 • What is your physical identity (what you think you look like to others

 • What is your internal identity (who you think you are in terms of your personality and character, values, etc.)

 • How do you see yourself in relation to others?

• How do you identify yourself?

 • What are the labels you use to describe yourself?

 • What are you personal goals?

 

 Your own identity is much the way others see you.

 

• Do others see you imprisoned by your labels?

 • Do they see you as God sees you or as you see yourself?

 • Do others see labels that you do not even recognize?

 • Are you blind to the labels others put on you?

 

Before you can make positive changes in your life, you need to devote time understanding your personal identity. Then you will better able to move closer to where you want to be.

 

Are you stuck – imprisoned – by your label? If you are stuck in your labels, you are limiting what God can do in and through you.

 

To become a victor instead of victim of your labels, find your identity in Christ. Consider yourself first a Child of the King. If you don’t like yourself, if you live in negative labels, how can you ever reach your God-given potential in life?

 

 2 essential questions guide our identity

 • Who do you say you are?

 

• Who does God say you are?

  

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he crated them.” Genesis 1:27

 

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14

 

 “For we are God’s workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for use to do.” Ephesians 2:1

 

 Decide which labels are appropriate for you and which ones need to go. Let’s focus on ourselves as God’s workmanship and the good works we can do for him.

 

 

Perspective

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Keeping our perspective is a key to controlling our emotions. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we don’t see the whole picture. We only see a portion of the picture. Sometimes we need to change the way we look at things.

Look at these two arrows. Which horizontal line is the longest?

                         

 They are exactly the same size. However, the top one looks longer than the bottom one. It is on optical illusion tricking us into assigning a different meaning to what we see.

What do you see in the image to the left?

Do you see a vase or do you see two faces looking at each other? Both are there! These graphics remind us that we don’t always see things from different perspectives. We often give situations a cursory glance and then make false assumptions.

The meaning of something will change when you look at it differently.

Motivational speaker and author, Wayne Dyer says “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change“.

Our perspective affects our perception of situations. When our perspective is off, we can perceive situations incorrectly and then overreact. Our emotions follow our perspective. Can you change your perception of situations? Can you change your perspective? Of course, you can. We need to take time to grasp the truth of situations before we react. Sometimes we feel put upon, hurt, left out. Sometimes we don’t understand why others act the way the do to us or to others. At those times we need to ask God for a better perspective so that we can find the good in situations we don’t understand fully. God sees the full picture; his perceptions are perfect.

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. I Corinthians 13:12 (NLT)



The old fable "The Elephant and the Blind Men" provides another example of perception.

Once upon a time, there lived six blind men in a village. One day the villagers told them, "Hey, there is an elephant in the village today."

They had no idea what an elephant is. They decided, "Even though we would not be able to see it, let us go and feel it anyway." All of them went where the elephant was. Everyone of them touched the elephant.

"Hey, the elephant is a pillar," said the first man who touched his leg.

"Oh, no! it is like a rope," said the second man who touched the tail.

"Oh, no! it is like a thick branch of a tree," said the third man who touched the trunk of the elephant.

"It is like a big hand fan" said the fourth man who touched the ear of the elephant.

"It is like a huge wall," said the fifth man who touched the belly of the elephant.

"It is like a solid pipe," Said the sixth man who touched the tusk of the elephant.

They began to argue about the elephant and everyone of them insisted that he was right. It looked like they were getting agitated. A wise man was passing by and he saw this. He stopped and asked them, "What is the matter?"

They said, "We cannot agree to what the elephant is like." Each one of them told what he thought the elephant was like.

The wise man calmly explained to them, "All of you are right. The reason every one of you is telling it differently because each one of you touched the different part of the elephant. So, actually the elephant has all those features you described.”

"Oh!" everyone said. There was no more fight. They felt happy that they were all right.

The moral of the story is that there may be some truth to what someone says. Sometimes we can see that truth and sometimes not because we may have a different perspective. In each case the person had a limited perspective that led them to the wrong conclusion. They each had only a piece of the information. No one was able to understand the whole truth about the elephant.

Let’s learn to control our emotions based on getting a full perspective instead of a limited one.

Coming Unglued

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Years ago when I was teaching a book to my 11th grade English class, it became apparent that only a handful had read the assigned pages. I always prided myself on having engaging class discussions and could always tell if students were prepared. After a few minutes of what became a monologue with a few prepared students making insightful assertions, I came a bit…unglued. I told them that if they did not come to class prepared, they would not have the benefit of my engaging and delightful interaction. I asked those who dared enter the hallowed walls of my classroom ill-prepared to collect their book and exit out the back door and find themselves in a quiet spot alone where they could become one with the book. Those who were prepared were invited to stay and be the great beneficiaries of my insight, repartee, and enchanting banter. Not a word was spoken as the little stinkers slithered from my sight.

 

What ensued with the remaining students was a pleasant exchange of ideas and insights. The incident became a humorous tale about the importance of showing up prepared.

 

Think for a moment about the changes you want to experience in connection with your emotions and reactions. Let’s figure out what causes unglued moments and then determine a goal to address them.

 

Determine a raw emotion or reaction that has reared its ugly head recently and consider using that as your impetus for change. You need to know your starting point. In Life Coaching we always find out from the client where they are and where they want to go and then we create a plan to get there. So… determine what you really want to change when it comes to your emotions.

 

You may need to collect some field data before we can set a goal. Sometimes the goals we set are easy to measure. If you have a goal to eat healthy and lose weight, you can easily measure that, but goals concerning our emotions and reactions are hard to measure. You can make observations about the food you’ve been eating and you can state your exercise habits. You can do something similar with your emotions. Think of a time when your emotions got the better of you.

 

• Did you lose control in front of others? Strangers? Your Friends? Your family?
• Did you rant and rave? Vent?
• Did you choose to hide your feelings and then regret not sharing how you really felt?
• Who was the target of your emotional outburst? 
• In what setting do you have strong negative emotional reactions?
• Is your “negative emotion arena” always the same? For example, do you only come unglued around family members? Co-workers? Students? A certain person? Spouse?

 After you have made some observations and figured out your “negative emotion arena,” write a statement that describes your goal.

 

For example:

 • I would like to express my emotions with a calm tone.

 • I would like to express my feelings instead of suppressing them.

 • I would like to keep my emotions under control when my kids are out of control.

  

In the next few weeks I’ll explore with you strategies to help you move from negative reactive emotions to positive proactive emotions. Keep in mind the promise of scripture:

 

Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. Ephesians 3:17 NLT

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pentecost

Sunday, May 19, 2013

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. Romans 8: 26-27

I use a small electric fan to keep me cool in the mornings when I get dressed. How do I know it works? I can’t see the air coming out of the fan, but I know when it’s working. I can see the blade spinning on the inside; I can hear the motor softly purring; I can feel the air blowing on my face. While I can’t see the air, I feel the power of the fan.

I can also feel a much greater power – the power of the Holy Spirit. Today we celebrate the Day of Pentecost. The Bible tells us that on the Day of Pentecost Jesus gathered his followers around him just before he was to ascend to heaven. Suddenly, a rush of wind filled the entire house where they were sitting. Just as God had promised, he sent his Holy Spirit to give Jesus’ followers the power to tell others the Gospel. They couldn’t see the Holy Spirit, but they knew he was there. The Bible says they heard the sound of a mighty rushing wind, and they saw what looked like flaming tongues of fire that rested on their heads. They could feel his power as they began to speak in different languages.

The Holy Spirit is still with us today. We can’t see him but we, as Christ followers, know he lives inside us. We see the work he does in us and through us. We hear his voice as he guides our emotions, thoughts, words, and actions. We feel his presence as he shows us the right choices to make.

Since you can’t see the Holy Spirit, how do you know he works? You can see, hear, and feel him.

Just as you can feel the power of the fan, you can feel the power of the Holy Spirit.

God, thank you for sending your Holy Spirit. Help us to listen to him as he teaches us how to live.

Still

Monday, May 13, 2013

I am such an impatient “waiter.” I was in the checkout line at a home improvement store recently fussing and fuming about the man in front of me. He decided to wait until he checked-out to decide he needed another item that the cashier had to send an employee to get. Waiting, waiting, waiting. The line backed up behind me and we watched the next lane checkout person after person. I kept thinking, “Why didn’t this man have his act together? Doesn’t he know this is so rude to make everyone wait!” Finally, his transaction was complete. I moved into place. Just as the cashier was about to finish ringing up my total, she asked for my shopper’s card. In all my fussing and fuming, I had forgotten to have it ready. I had to dig in my purse through all the other dozens of shopper cards until I finally produced the right one. While the delay I caused was minor, it was a reminder not to be so hasty in my judgments of others. It was also a reminder to slow down. I wasted time fussing and fuming and could have relaxed and enjoyed a few moments of rest. I needed to be still.

What does Scripture say about a hurried life?

We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. Psalm 39:6

God invites us to slow down and live fully in the moment. When we slow down though, it seems we have to wait.

Part of growing up in our faith is learning the art of waiting. We see what author Warren Wiersbe writes about the art of waiting. When he feels tempted to hurry God, he reminds himself to do these 3 things:

1. “Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord.” Exodus 14:13.

We can turn over our worries, issues, to God and then watch how he works iit out.

2. “Sit still… until you know how the matter will turn out.” Ruth 3:18 Take a wait and see approach. Don’t jump to conclusions about what God is doing. Be still until God decides to act. Remember how Sarai rushed God. She had Abraham sleep with her handmaiden Hagar. She rushed God.

3. “Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

There are times when we are just to accept that God knows best. God is sovereign. We can tell God, “You are God and I am not.”

The key word in all three is STILL. Stillness and patience with God are indicators of “growing up” in faith.

Waiting is an opportunity to be still!

Beauty for Ashes

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

How hard is it to give thanks to express joy in the middle of our mess?

We can’t often change our circumstance but we can change how we see them. We can make adjustments. We might have to adjust our perspective on what is happening in our lives. In the middle of our mess we get to choose whether to move closer to joy or away from it. Whichever way we choose, we usually “wear” our emotional conditions!

In the Old Testament days people wore sackcloths when they were in mourning and they placed ashes on their heads. Sackcloths and ashes were also used to show repentance. They also wore decorative clothing for festivals. Their clothing indicated their condition – some suitable for mourning and some suitable for rejoicing.

What would you wear on a daily basis if what you wore symbolized your frame of mind?

We don’t use these Old Testament symbols today to indicate our sorrow, but what are the indicators that people are in despair or hard times of any kind?

Sad faces, bad attitudes, angry retorts, sullenness, withdrawal, on and on.

The Prophet Isaiah prophesied the Messiah would come to heal the brokenhearted. In fact, this Messiah was going to…

give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks

that the Lord has planted for his own glory. (Isaiah 41:3 NLT)

Jesus came to turn our ashes into beauty to give us a joyous blessing instead of mourning, to take our despair and turn it into festive praise. He came to make us “like great oaks” planted for his glory.

Jesus wants to take our ugly and make it beautiful. He wants to turn our ashes into beauty. He wants to make us strong like great oaks so that we can live for his glory.

It’s easy to add to express joy when the sun is shining and all seems right with our world. But searching for joy in the hard places is a challenge. We often have to go on a treasure hunt to find the joy. Counting blessings in the middle of our mess reminds us to focus on the good in life instead of the shortcomings.

The next time your emotions begin a downward spiral, consider activating the Law of Exchange. Replace the disparaging, sullen thoughts with joyous ones. You can choose to exchange your bad attitudes for good ones. You can choose to live in thankfulness. In the middle of your mess you can choose to focus on life’s blessings instead of its shortcomings.

Wear joy!

Thanksgiving Before Blessings

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Jesus, on the night before he was crucified offered thanksgiving during the Last Supper. “He broke the bread and gave thanks to God for it.” Jesus was expressing eucharisteo ¬ - thanks, joy, and grace. If Jesus could offer a prayer of thanks to his Father on the eve of his crucifixion, in the midst of his suffering, can’t we do the same? What we see in Jesus’ example is that he prayed a prayer of thanksgiving then experienced death, burial, and resurrection. Even though the dark time continued there was a miracle, a re-birth on the other side. Our Heavenly Father will resurrect us too. Oh, that we too would offer Him praise and thanksgiving in the midst of the storms. Blessings will come!

2 Chronicles 20: 12-22 shows that thanksgiving preceded a blessing.

The armies of the Moabites, Ammonites and other armies declared war on Jehoshaphat, King of Judah. Jehoshaphat called upon the people to get serious with God. As the enemy began to bear down on Judah, God spoke through Jahaziel, “Do not be afraid!...for the battle is not yours, but God’s. You will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!”

Then King Jehoshaphat bowed low with his face to the ground and all the people of Judah and Jerusalem did the same. They worshipped the Lord. The king appointed singers to walk ahead of the army, singing to the Lord and praising him for his holey splendor. They sang, “Give thanks to the Lord and; his faithful love endures forever!”

At THAT VERY MOMENT, the Lord caused the armies of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir to start fighting among themselves. When the army of Judah arrived, all they saw were dead bodies lying on the ground as far as they could see.

Thanksgiving preceded the miracle! This land was called the Valley of Blessing. The army then marched into Jerusalem singing music as they entered the Temple of the Lord.

Can we become thankful for EVERYTHING? Even in our wounded moments? Can we look back and see the blessings on this side of our bruised and wounded moments? Let us go before him with praise and thanksgiving as he always goes before us.