Controlling Your Emotional Life

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Tommy Newberry, author of The 4:8 Principle and 40 Days to a Joy-filled Life, says to master our emotional life, we must understand 3 simple maxims that explain the mental dynamics of emotional health.

 Law of Attention – Whatever you dwell upon becomes increasingly prominent in our own mind.  You will always feel what you dwell on. We have emotional reactions to what we think. Newberry suggests we often act to chronically share our mistakes, setbacks, and disappointments, and thus accelerate our negative spiral downward. Do you broadcast your negative headlines to everyone you meet? Or do you over share your personal crisis? If so, you may be sabotaging your own joy by dwelling in the negativity of your life. What gets your attention? Do you dwell and broadcast your blessings or curses?

Law of Exchange -  You can do away with a negative thought only when you replace it with a positive thought.  Have you ever tried to block out a thought? Just telling ourselves not to think about something is not effective. If you are upset by someone, you can’t just tell yourself not to be upset and then it will go away. The solution is to shift your attention to something else completely. Thoughts of unhappiness are exchanged for thoughts of gratitude. We can replace thoughts that lead to emotional upheaval with thoughts that lead to peace..

Law of Reversibility – This is your God-installed capability to produce feelings as a result of deliberate behavior. The method for upgrading your emotional life means acting your way into having positive emotional feelings.  Remember:  we’re talking about “emotions,” not health issues, real mental issues. We have been conditioned to believe the emotions should happen naturally. Some believe that if you have to work at emotions, they are not genuine. You may feel like a phony or as if you are lying to yourself when you act better than you actually feel. This is what Newberry says about that – “If you rule out the option of acting into your feelings, you will forever by doomed to enjoy only those positive emotions that arise spontaneously.”

For example, have you ever really dreaded something like exercise or going to lunch with a friend and then began it and found that you enjoyed it? You make yourself do these things and then you find enjoyment. It’s the same principle. What if you never did anything you didn’t “FEEL” like doing? Even the word emotion is 86% motion.

The author of Psalm 43, probably David, is going through a time of turmoil, stress, and personal attacks.

Declare me innocent, O God!
    Defend me against these ungodly people.
    Rescue me from these unjust liars.
² For you are God, my only safe haven.
    Why have you tossed me aside?
Why must I wander around in grief,
    oppressed by my enemies?
³ Send out your light and your truth;
    let them guide me.
Let them lead me to your holy mountain,
    to the place where you live.
⁴ There I will go to the altar of God,
    to God—the source of all my joy.
I will praise you with my harp,
    O God, my God!

David’s life appears out of control and he feels abandoned by God. He has a broken heart and is wandering around in grief. However, he recognizes God as his safe haven and asks God to send his light and truth to guide him. His desire is to worship God at the altar in the temple on Mount Zion. I imagine David wants to take his inner turmoil, his stress, and his emotional upheavals to the altar, for his source of joy is at the altar. David reminds us it is in worshipping God that we experience real joy. Will you take and leave your emotional upheavals at the altar? Or are you tempted to take them but not leave them?

God wants us to give him our emotional stress and leave them with him. He wants to still our spirit and give us hope and peace at the altar. How much will you leave with him?
To hear the one hour audio of my lesson, click here.
Controlling Your Emotional Life

 

 

 

 

Fluent Compassion

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

In his book 40 Days to a Joy-Filled Life, Tommy Newberry suggests we begin to practice “fluent compassion.” I have never thought about being fluent in compassion. To be fluent means to able to speak a language effortlessly. Can I really speak AND demonstrate compassion effortlessly.? This is hard for my choleric nature to do!! Mercy, unfortunately, ranks pretty low on my spiritual gifts inventory. I find it easier to show compassion to someone who is humble or someone who is the victim of circumstances over which he has no control. But how do we extend compassion toward the person who seems to be the source of the negativity in the first place? Or to someone who has brought about his or her own suffering. Isn't that a challenge? Jesus expects us to show love to everyone whether they deserve it or not. Jesus showed fluent compassion. It’s also called grace.

I have found it helpful to assume that negative people are really dealing with some internal struggles and I should give them the benefit of the doubt. It really says more about me than the other person, if I return negativity and harshness with the same.

My dad showed me strategy when I was a child. Whenever we were eating in a restaurant and the server seemed distracted, upset, or gruff, he would disarm her without her realizing it. He would simply say, “You must have had a busy day. I hope we can make it better.”

Let’s see how Jesus handled extending compassion to perhaps undeserved recipients.

When Jesus was in that region east of the Sea of Galilee, known as “the country of the Gerasenes,” he encountered a man whose body was possessed by demons. This unfortunate man was a spectacle who wandered around the countryside unclothed and lived among the tombs, He cut himself with stones, easily broke through chains that bound him, and generally terrorized the neighborhood. Jesus showed mercy and cast out the demons. The man’s gratitude was obvious. He even wanted to travel with our Lord, but Jesus had other plans. “Go to your house unto your friends, and tell them how great things the Lord has done for you, and how he had mercy on you” (Mark 5:19). Showing mercy means that we help others because our heart goes out to them. It is a response that comes from a tender heart. Mercy is an act of compassion.

"Compassion is the capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else's skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too." Frederick Buechner

“You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” ― John Bunyan

David recognized the compassion of God in Psalm 145: 8 and 9 -

The LORD is gracious and compassionate,

slow to anger and rich in love.

The LORD is good to all;

he has compassion on all he has made

Let’s consider how showing compassion keep us slow to anger, rich in love, and good to all like our Lord. Let’s learn fluent compassion.

Proactive Happiness

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Author Tommy Newberry describes joy as “proactive happiness.” When we’re proactive about anything we become intentional, so we could say that joy is an intentional response. The act of being joyful is a learned behavior. It is actually a display of faith because we called to be joyful in all circumstances even when we’re uncertain of the outcome.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds. James 1:2 (NIV)

When we look at our circumstances through the eyes of faith, we see what can be if we would allow God to work in the situation. Newberry encourages us to act with joy right now – to choose joy in our circumstances. Newberry poses the question: “How would I act if I were bubbling with joy?”

Last week I gave my mom one of our “Think on These Things” bracelets. She readily embraced the concept. It had been a very challenging month as my parents had to leave their home while repairs were being made from tornado damage. We moved them back home last weekend. As anyone who has moved knows, moving is one of the great stressors of life! As Mom and I headed back to their home, I was dreading the ordeal. But Mom, demonstrating the 4:8 Principle, began to cheerily proclaim, “Oh, isn’t it wonderful to be going home! Oh, I’m so looking forward to digging in those boxes. I can’t wait to begin cleaning up the mess. What a wonderful opportunity awaits us!” Now much of the monologue was filled with exaggeration, but we used the opportunity to laugh about the upcoming situation instead of grumble about it. It set a joyful tone for the busy afternoon. Her positive and humorous attitude encouraged me
She acted as if she were bubbling with joy!

We think in primarily two ways: reactive and proactive. We can constantly play defense with our thoughts by reacting negatively to our circumstances. Or we can play offense and be intentional with our thoughts. These are proactive thoughts. Becoming aware of the triggers for our negative thinking is the first step. Next we can be prepared to starve negative thoughts and replace them with something positive and productive. Remember: we can only do away with a negative thought by replacing it with a positive one.

We want to become proactive so that when we face potentially negative situations, we will intentionally guide our thoughts toward the positive. These steps will move us toward our goal of a joy-filled life.

Think on These Things Bracelet

Thursday, June 23, 2011

I have a favorite pair of pants with the manufacturer’s logo sewn into the leg in the shape of a sticker. Every time I wear the pants, someone tells me my sticker is showing and tries to pull it off. Each time I explain that the sticker is really the logo of the pants and then I mention the brand. It’s a great marketing strategy! Along the same lines, have you ever forgotten to clip the tag from your clothes and displayed to the world the price of your new garment? I know I have! Displaying the price tag of clothing can be embarrassing, but not nearly as embarrassing as displaying an ugly attitude. Ugly thoughts lead to an ugly attitude.

Our thoughts either move us toward our God-given potential or away from it. In either case you can rest assured your thoughts are showing. Our thoughts lead to emotions, physical feelings, and physical actions. What we think will eventually show up! If our thoughts eventually show up in our words and actions, then the first step toward changing our circumstances is to change our thoughts. If ugly thoughts show up as ugly actions, it makes sense that joy-filled thoughts will show up as a joy-filled life.

How then can we turn our thoughts toward God? Right thinking is a choice. We have control over our thoughts. It usually take 21 days to switch a bad habit. This week I’m providing you a strategy to get rid of your negative thinking in 21 days!
Think on These Things Bracelet

The Think on These Things bracelet is a tool that
...monitors how often you think negatively
...helps you track your progress toward becoming negative free.

Use the Philippians 4:8 thinking model to help you think positively and live a joy-filled life.

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8 (NLT)

Simply put the bracelet on either wrist and every time you think a negative thought, switch the bracelet to the other wrist. The goal is to go 21 consecutive days without negativity or switching the bracelet.

When the bad thought enters your mind, replace it by following these steps.
1. Rename it – Tell yourself this thought is a negative, bad, ungodly, unkind, etc. thought
2. Re-frame it – Focus on a positive or distracting thought
3. Redirect your actions to something uplifting, fun, or engaging.

Contact me at education@christplace.org, and I’ll be happy to send you a bracelet and instruction card.

Your thoughts are showing! Do you need to switch them? Switch your thoughts not your bracelet!

Emotional Strength

Monday, May 24, 2010

Did you know that if you can master your emotional life, you can produce more joy? Our negative feelings and reactions deplete us of our energy and steal our joy. Emotional strength gives us fuel so that we can experience life the way God wants us to. It is not necessary or even healthy to deny our problems, but if we dwell on them, we become bound to them and they have power over us. Emotional strength is found when we give God our attention instead of our problems.

In his book The 4:8 Principle, Tommy Newberry tells us that emotions are like biochemical couriers that provide feedback about our mood. Emotions help us to feel whatever we are thinking. These couriers tell our bodies whether to communicate pain or joy. What we think shows up in our emotions. It makes sense then to think about things that bring us joy instead of pain.

I encourage you to try Newberry’s strategy for improving your capacity for joy. Make a list of three positive emotions you want to increase and a list of negative emotions that you want to decrease. Then over the next few weeks use the Laws of Emotional Strength to decrease negative emotions and increase positive ones.

The Laws of Emotional Strength
1. The Law of Attention: Knowing that you will feel what you dwell on, make it a practice to broadcast your blessings and think about your hopes and dreams and the future God has planned for you.
2. The Law of Exchange: Replace a negative thought with a positive one. Replace thoughts of fear with thoughts of boldness. Replace thoughts of criticism with thoughts of praise.
3. The Law of Reversibility: Learn to act your way into the feelings you desire. Fake it till you feel it. This is not hypocrisy. It means that you will respond to circumstances in a way that obeys God’s principles and eventually your feelings will follow.

Making our emotions obedient to Christ takes action. It takes motion. In fact, the word emotion is 86% motion! Both our actions and emotions need to be pleasing to God. Let’s work this week to increase our positive emotions so that we will experience the joy and peace that our Father wants us to have.

Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5